Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
