They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
