Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
