I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
