i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
