I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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