we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
