wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sorry about my life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
