She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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