i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
