thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
