but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We talked him into tasing himself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
