my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
