yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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