My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
