Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
