How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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