well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
