omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
