Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
