why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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