someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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