I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
