Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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