At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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