I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
