My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
