I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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