well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
