he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
