All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
