The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
