my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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