There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
