Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
