Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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