i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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