I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
