$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
