every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
