where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
