she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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