im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
