she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
