I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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