look no pants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
