do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
