so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
