is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
