it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
