I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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