He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
