fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
