I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
