Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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