what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
