dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
