She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want nice things and good sex
whose parrot is this?
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