if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Fuck appropriateness.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
